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    Adopted 16-year-old demands dad put a stop to 8-year-old bio daughter calling her stepmom 'our mom': 'His wife will never be my mom'

    When a child comes from a complex family situation, they can have difficulties feeling like they belong.

    While it may be true that even those who have the most conventional of families can struggle with the idea of being the odd one out, it can be especially pronounced when somebody has a family tree that is a little more complicated. There are all kinds of scenarios that may lead to kids having different caregivers over the years, and although sometimes it turns out just fine, it can also be a source of great angst.

    It is no secret that stepparents can be a difficult adjustment for many children, and the adults do not always make it easy for them, either. Many have the expectation that they should be able to leave behind the life they had before and adjust to their new one without too much effort. This is usually far from the truth, in particular when it comes to situations where a parent has passed away. The mixture of grief and major life changes is not comfortable for anybody, not least those who are young and vulnerable.

    Author image for Ally Perry Ally Perry
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    • a young girl sits in a dark room in front of a computer, looking away from the screen and resting her face on her chin
      via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

      Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    • Even in the perfect family setup, being an adoptee can be tricky when it comes to having a sense of belonging. It is all too easy for kids in this situation to feel like they are not a true part of their family. This is only made more complex if said family changes shape over time.

      The protagonist of this story was growing increasingly frustrated with her younger stepsister, as she kept insisting that her mom was “our mom”, and denying the existence of her actual mother. The teenager had been adopted as a baby by her dad and his first wife, who then passed away when she was five years old. He had since remarried, and he and his second wife had had two biological children.

      She already felt unwanted, as she believed that her father loved his second wife and kids more, as he considered them a ‘real’ family. Sick of being nice about her stepsister's behavior, she issued to him an ultimatum, but didn't know if she had gone too far.

    • Am I wrong for telling my dad he either tells his bio daughter that I'm not her mom's kid or I start getting mean about telling her?

      So I'm (16f) adopted. My parents adopted me as an infant. Then my mom died when I was 5 so I didn't get nearly long enough with her but she was SO special to me. My dad remarried and I don't like his wife. She wanted to adopt me after they got married and acted way too dismissive of the fact it cuts all ties with my mom forever, because we don't even have the bio link. The adoption never happened but his wife was always bitter about it and I always held it against her that she was trying to do i
      via eldeezi
    • My dad and his wife had two bio kids together. Their daughter is 8 and their son is 4. My dad was so happy when his bio daughter was born and he was acting like a first time dad. So that fucking stung and pissed me off more. He talked about how his wife gave him the greatest gift he ever got.
      via eldeezi
    • This and then his support for the adoption when his wife wanted to made me feel like he just hated my mom and saw me as less than. He didn't consider what I wanted or felt. His wife's feelings mattered more and clearly mom was just the lady he married until he met his one true love. She didn't give him a real kid after all. Just me.
      via eldeezi
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    • a male and female child sit beside/on a couch, with a bowl of popcorn on the coffee beside them and the girl holding a football
      via Andrej Lišakov (Unsplash+)

      Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

    • For like three years now his bio daughter has been saying her mom is my mom. She corrects me when I call her mom 'your mom' and she says she's our mom. I told her she's not and I even showed her pictures of my mom but it never does any good. It bothers me. But for like 7 weeks now she's been doing this type of stuff all the time and she tells me to stop using her mom's name and call her mom. There were times I wanted to tell her to shut the fuck up but I hold it back.
      via eldeezi
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    • So I told my dad he needs to fix this. He told me it was harmless and I told him I wanted it to end no matter what. He asked me what the issue is and I told him his wife who gave him his greatest gifts will never be my mom and just because he doesn't love my mom doesn't mean I'll stop for him. He was shocked I'd say that to him and asked me what ever gave me that idea. I told him the greatest gifts comments, the way he wanted his wife to adopt me, the fact he never called me his greatest gift an
      via eldeezi
    • like his wife is his one true fucking love. He told me I was missing context and skipping things he also said and I asked him to name one thing but he couldn't. He then told me that he just didn't want me to feel like I couldn't love his wife as my mom and I told him that his wife was so far from my mom it wasn't even funny and she will never be. I told him I might not be his real daughter but she's always my real mom and I won't let his wife change that.
      via eldeezi
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    • He then complained about the ultimatum. AITAH?
      via eldeezi
    • a young woman sits in a dark room with a yellow light behind her, looking to the side
      via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

      Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

    • FireBallXLV Have you asked your Grandparents if you can live with them? Do they know how miserable you are? Is there a Counselor at school you can talk to?
      via FireBallXLV
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    • OP eldeezi My grandparents offered to let me stay with them several times and dad said no. He doesn't even like me staying with them for a couple of weeks in the summer.
      via eldeezi
    • NTA. Anxious_Device 1099 You and your late mother have been consistently disrespected. I'm vindictive but if your father doesn't treat you like his kid (or at least less than the others) time to start calling him by his birth name too.
      via Anxious_Device1099
    • OP eldeezi I have used his first name a few times.
      via eldeezi
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    • goddessofspite NTA. Does your mom have any family you can stay with. Are they involved in your life. You shouldn't have to deal with all this. Your a kid who lost their mom biology doesn't matter it's the bonds that matter and for all that she was is and always will be your mom. Start being firm with the kid. Stop letting her get away with it.
      via goddessofspite
    • OP eldeezi She does. I have grandparents, a great grandparent and aunts, uncles and cousins. I speak to them all the time but they live in another state. They stop by to see me a few times a year and I go to stay with them for a couple of weeks every summer. Dad gets difficult about that stuff though.
      via eldeezi
    • Proud_Reality6217 Jesus Christ, your dad sounds like a piece of work. Does the girl maybe not understand what you mean when she says shes not your mom? Like, maybe shes confused? Nta, BTW. I just wonder if maybe she doesn't understand because she grew up with you all and thinks its confusing when you say her mom isn't yours. Im not excusing anyone's behavior here, because its not okay, but Im trying to understand how his daughter might be feeling right now. Since shes so young. You're still grie
      via Proud_Reality6217
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    • OP eldeezi I explained it to her in all the ways I could without being mean and telling her I hate her mom and want nothing to do with her. If she doesn't understand it's on her parents.
      via eldeezi
    • ShopEducational6572 Sounds like you all need family therapy.
      via ShopEducational6572
    • OP eldeezi I'm never going to therapy with the woman dad's married to. She's not my family and if they insisted we all go then I would sit silently and ignore the whole thing.
      via eldeezi

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    family drama adoption sisters stepmom dad family mom
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