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    Mom complains when unemployed son leaves Christmas dinner early because uncle jokes about him getting a job: 'Must be nice having a permanent holiday'

    Unwanted unemployment is always tough, but never more so than around the holidays.

    Nothing hammers home the fact that you do not have a steady income like being in the middle of all the indulgence and gift-giving of Christmastime, as well as having to participate while on a jobless budget. It can make what should be an enjoyable few days a stressful experience, and yet another reminder of what you do not have.

    While being around family and loved ones should be one of the few positives that remain in this situation, it is often the case that it is yet another headache that could be done without. The potential for family drama is likely going to be there, no matter what the employment status of everybody is, but there is always somebody who has to make a comment or several when a relative currently doesn't have a job, or is otherwise going through a hard time. 

    When you are already struggling, it can be a tough pill to swallow. It is understandable to want to stick up for yourself, especially when experiencing all the demoralization that comes with job seeking. Older generations in particular often do not understand this. 

    Author image for Ally Perry Ally Perry
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    • 01
      a smiling man passes a plate of food to a woman at a dinner table where multiple people of different ages are sat
      via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

      Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    • In this story, a man in his 30s who had been unemployed for a while attended his family Christmas dinner, but cut his visit short thanks to the behavior of his uncle. Everybody was aware that he was not working, but it was only he who insisted on making repeated comments and jokes about it.

      After he did this multiple times, the man asked him to stop talking about his employment status. He claimed that he was being too sensitive, which led the man to leave the festivities. 

      He felt hurt that nobody else had stuck up for him, and his mom insisted that the way he reacted had embarrassed her. He wanted to know if he had taken things too far.

    • 02

      AITA for leaving Christmas dinner after my uncle wouldn’t stop making 'jokes' about me being unemployed?

      30s male here. I've been out of work for a bit and I'm actively looking, doing interviews, all that. It's not a secret, but I also don't really want it to be the main topic at family stuff.
      via Pathfinder-electron
    • 03
      We had a family Christmas dinner this weekend. I went, brought a bottle and dessert, was polite, helped clear plates, tried to just get through it.
      via Pathfinder-electron
    • 04
      view from above of smiling man handing a plate of food to smiling woman at a dinner table where people of different ages are sat
      via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

      Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    • 05
      My uncle (50s) started with the usual "so when you getting a real job then" type comments. I did the normal laugh-it-off thing and said I'm on it. He kept going all night. Stuff like "must be nice having a permanent holiday” and "maybe Santa can bring you a CV" and "you should try working instead of sitting on that computer". People laughed, nobody told him to stop.
      via Pathfinder-electron
    • 06
      After the 4th or 5th comment I said, calmly, "can you drop it, I'm here for dinner not to be roasted." He replied something like "oh come on it's just banter, dont be so sensitive". At that point I just got up, said "right, I'm heading off, merry christmas everyone", and left.
      via Pathfinder-electron
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    • 07
      Now my mum is saying I embarrassed her and I should've just ignored him because "that's how he is" and it made things awkward for everyone. I think he can **** himself. AITA for leaving instead of sitting there and taking it?
      via Pathfinder-electron
    • 08
      closeup of a Christmas dinner table with plates, wine glasses, christmas napkins, and festive foliage decorations and lights in the background
      via Tyler Davis
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    • 09
      Odd-End-1405 "That is how they are" is enabler language for your feelings don't matter. She is embarrassed? Why, she has a child with a spine who won't put up with continued disrespect. A joke, fine, when asked to stop, you stop. You don't stop, it is disrespect. Good luck on the job hunt. ΝΤΑ
      via Odd-End-1405
    • 10
      jerseygirl414 NTA. He sounds like the family bully and like people let him get away with it to "get along". Good for you for walking out.
      via jerseygirl414
    • 11
      RayEd29 "That's how he is" - and that's supposed to make it okay? Well, tell you what mum, not putting up with crap like that is "just how I am" now. NTA
      via RayEd29
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    • 12
      West_House_2085 "I think he can himself." covers it. NTA edit thumb spelling
      via West_House_2085
    • 13
      AlvinOwlHirt NTA. He was rude and unhelpful. You politely asked him to stop. He didn't. You did not embarrass anyone. Your uncle did. And I am very disappointed that your mother didn't have your back.
      via AlvinOwlHirt
    • 14
      MindlessGooner34 Definitively NTA. Your mum, uncle, and everyone else who laughed at his "jokes" are the assholes. Anyone without a job who's currently looking knows how expensive it is to look for one, and how much of a full time job that is by itself. Your mum was "embarrassed" that you did the smart thing and exercised restraint by leaving, but she wasn't embarrassed for not defending you from remarks by her brother to make you the topic of embarrassment in front of family? I'd be looking at
      via MindlessGooner34
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    • 15
      TopEssay6045 NTA. I don't understand how your Mom is embarrassed, and why she doesn't care that your uncle was trying to embarrass you. Feels like these people are not in your corner. Anyway, you handled it maturely - asked your uncle to lay off, he didn't, so you removed yourself from the situation. ETA: Good luck with the job hunt; a lot of people are in your situation right now.
      via TopEssay6045
    • 16
      Neither_Pear4669 The 'that's just how he is' tells me everything i need to know. Sounds like he's a jerk and your family has chosen to just tolerate it for way too long NTA
      via Neither_Pear4669
    • 17
      ApprehensiveCut9809 NTA, but the adults of his generation should have stopped him like his wife or his sister (your mom?). The old "that's how he is" happens because no one tells the young man who bullies everyone to stop it when he's doing it in his teens, then 20s, 30s, etc. Tell your "mum" that she embarrassed you by not stopping his boorish behavior years ago.
      via ApprehensiveCut9809
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    • 18
      ntermation Its interesting she chose to say you made things awkward and defended your uncle. I wonder how it would be if instead she told the uncle he made things awkward, and told everyone else 'thats just how he is' about you walking out.
      via ntermation

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    christmas family drama uncle family mom unemployment unemployed son
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