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    Parents invite son and girlfriend to graduation dinner and expect them to pay, son's girlfriend retaliates by refusing to buy them Christmas gifts: 'They live so out of their means it’s sickening'

    Most of the time, choosing a partner involves accepting the in-laws as well.

    It is no secret that a lot of people have problems with the family of their significant other, whether that stems from jealousy, a need for control, or simply having very different values. Families are tough at the best of times, and making it work with one that you weren't even born into can be an extra struggle. Sometimes, there is just too much potential for arguments for there to ever be a reasonable relationship.

    At the same time, those who have issues with in-laws have to tread carefully in their response to them. The risk of upsetting their partner or facing some kind of retaliation from their supposed chosen family can be too high. Still, when years of tension have built up, many feel like there is no choice but to take action and stand up for themselves. Entitled people are unpleasant no matter where you encounter them, and it is only natural to feel like they should face consequences for their actions.

    Author image for Ally Perry Ally Perry
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    • a gift wrapper in tartan paper and a green bow sits on a surface with christmas foliage and lights behind it
      via Anita Austvika
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    • Money matters are notorious for causing problems in romantic relationships, and this can easily prove the case when it comes to in-laws as well. Dealing with an extended family that is stingy or expects a level of financial contribution that goes too far can be something that makes even level-headed individuals lose their temper.

      In this story, a woman was angry after the parents of her long-term boyfriend invited them and her family out to dinner to celebrate his graduation. They were notoriously financially unstable, and when the bill came, they asked to split it.

      A week later, she found out they were making an expensive purchase for themselves, which made the woman even more upset. She told her boyfriend she would not be buying them Christmas gifts as a result, but she wasn't sure if she was taking things too far.

    • Am I wrong for not getting my boyfriend's family Christmas gifts after they split the bill at his college graduation dinner?

      My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 6 years. His parents are the most financially unstable individuals I've ever met. They live so out of their means it's sickening. Last weekend my boyfriend graduated from college. My family traveled 6 hours to be there and I told my boyfriend in advance that his parents should expect to pay for his entire graduation dinner. The topic of "how
      via CouchRot
    • expensive is dinner” got brought up countless times. My bf felt so bad he ended up picking a wing spot for dinner. His parents STILL asked to split the bill at this dinner. Mind you, my graduation dinner was $500 and my parents would have never made anyone else pay a portion of this. The total amount for my family's portion of his graduation dinner was $56. I was outraged.
      via CouchRot
    • Fast forward today (one week later), and his family is at T-Mobile upgrading to the latest iPhone. The out of pocket cost today is almost $400 and they have no problem adding that to their debt.
      via CouchRot
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    • a woman waves her hand as a man next to her holds up an onion ring as they are sat at a table in a restaurant
      via Yunus Tuğ (Unsplash+)

      Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

    • This was my final straw. I told my boyfriend I would not be giving his family any Christmas gifts because of this. I don't think it was fair to ask my family to pay for anything during his graduation celebration, and I consider this extremely rude. Am I in the wrong?
      via CouchRot
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    • ETA- my bf's parents INVITED us to the dinner. I did not say they should pay for every meal. I pulled him aside and told him they should *expect* to pay for the one meal they invited us all to, since they invited us and we had paid for many other expenses to be there. They paid for the friends he invited to this dinner. They just did not pay for my family.
      via CouchRot
    • My family has no problem paying for anything. They love my bf and wanted to support him. They did not expect anyone to pay for anything. I just thought it was rude and disheartening for his family to not plan their spending accordingly.
      via CouchRot
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    • a man smiles as he holds a burger in his hands while sat in a restaurant
      via Yunus Tuğ (Unsplash+)

      Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

    • Peachesndoublecream NTA. Family invited YOU GUYS to a ceremonial dinner and had to travel?! That's embarrassing. I would NEVER let my invitees pay. Difference in values or even in culture perhaps, but girl imagine later on.....
      via Peachesndoublecream
    • OP Couch Rot This is how I'm feeling. 3 people in my family had to take a day off of work for this as well. I think it's incredibly rude to invite people to a ceremonial dinner and not even offer to pay for it.
      via CouchRot
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    • itsjustmo_ At the bare minimum, it needed to have been communicated in advance that your family was expected to pay your own bill. If you are already taking on travel costs, then the meal must be included in the initial quote. I don't think skipping their gifts will send the message you intend it to, though. (They're too oblivious to things like social norms to catch the clue.) Instead, I think you should only give them something small and impersonal. Basically match their low effort and lack of
      via itsjustmo_
    • OP CouchRot I think that's a great idea. Thank you. Thinking I will gift small gift cards instead of nothing.
      via CouchRot
    • Various-Ocelot-2209 YTA Why did you tell your boyfriend that his parents should expect to pay? That was not your decision to make. That is really entitled. Was your whole family even invited for the graduation diner?
      via Various-Ocelot-2209
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    • OP Couch Rot His family invited my entire family to his graduation 6 hours away. That led to my family paying for gas, hotel rooms, meals that were not his graduation dinner. In my opinion it would be custom to pay for the meal that you invite people to. If I asked people to travel that far for me, 1 dinner would absolutely be on me.
      via CouchRot
    • Nenoshka IMO the most important question is: Did the apple fall far from the tree? Or is your BF as financially unstable as his family? Because you don't want to end up married to a spendthrift for forty years.
      via Nenoshka
    • OP CouchRot I completely agree. If he was anything like them, I would run. He is the opposite of his parents. He is super ashamed at their spending habits. My mother works in finance. She has taught him the value of saving, investing, and living within your means over the last 6 years. My parents gifted him a mutual fund for his graduation gift. I'm not worried about him financially at all.
      via CouchRot
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    • Flat-Replacement4828 Based on your reasoning, YTA. It's extremely entitled to expect a free dinner on someone else's special occasion. That's ridiculous.
      via Flat-Replacement4828
    • OP Couch Rot His family invited my entire family to his graduation 6 hours away. That led to my family paying for gas, hotel rooms, meals that were not his graduation dinner. In my opinion it would be custom to pay for the meal that you invite people to. If I asked people to travel that far for me, 1 dinner would absolutely be on me.
      via CouchRot
    • SQ_Madriel Eta: NTA for being upset they split the bill since they issued the invitation. I think expressing your actual feelings is wiser than passive aggressive tit for tat of I'm not getting a gift, especially if you are actually celebrating with them at any point I was going to jump right to Y. T.A. but first I'll ask, who invited everyone to dinner for his graduation?
      via SQ_Madriel
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    • Traditional-Bag-4508 This should have been handled and discussed prior to the dinner. The iPhone situation has nothing to do with the graduation. Giving Christmas gifts had nothing to do with the graduation. They are separate issues. Moving forward, if you invite bf parents to any event, dinner, lunch, etc... let them know, they are responsible for their bill. Period.
      via Traditional-Bag-4508

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