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Am [I wrong] for giving away my cat to a shelter over my Ex’s family?
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Whoa, red flag alert! Anyone whose first reaction to a tiny kitten is “get that thing away from me!” is not someone we want anywhere near our cat. We wouldn't trust them with even a Tamagotchi pet. This cat deserves to be with a family that loves him, not someone who thinks he is disgusting.
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In giving him up, she is giving him the opportunity to find his furrever family, to live indoors, be well-fed, happy, and healthy. We never want to see cats in shelters, but sometimes, it's honestly the lesser of two evils. That's certainly what it sounds like here.
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