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    'I genuinely don't think he'd be a good culture fit': Woman in male-dominated field is hesitant to hire her former coworker who constantly belittled her

    Author image for JR Atkinson
    JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
    Oct 11, 2025 10:00 PM EDT

    Recommending someone to work at your company is not always the smartest move. You may feel generous and like you want to lend a hand to them, but you have to be careful about who you choose. It might end up reflecting poorly on you. You might feel compelled to help someone out because you know how hard it is to find a job, but it's best not to rush into these kinds of decisions, especially if you like your job. 

    This is even more true when the person you're being asked to recommend is not a close friend. Maybe you know them in a certain context, but that doesn't mean you can vouch for them. But what if they were your former coworker, who you didn't exactly enjoy working with? That's the situation this woman was put in when he finally found her dream job. After being laid off from a job that she didn't love to begin with, she was fortunate enough to find a job that really felt good. But it was all threatened when her former coworker reached out to her.

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    • A male coworker explains something to his female coworker.
      via Vitaly Gariev

      The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    • She wasn't quite sure if she could trust his contributions to the company. But the problem was: he was a friend. At least she thought he was a friend. So she reached out to the internet for advice, which it provided in droves. Scroll on to see what happened. 

    • AITA for vocalizing I don't want my friend hired at my job and not giving him the benefit of the doubt?

      I met my friend though work a few years back, and I was laid off earlier this year. Totally fine since that company sucked and I landed a dream job shortly after. Now my friend wants to work at my company since I've been raving about it and he saw they are hiring. The problem is, I don't
      via u/Life-Promise-4844
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    • think my friend respects me professionally and I genuinely don't think he'd be a good culture fit. The company we worked at together was 150 people and the few times we did interact, he was dismissive of my contributions, most likely because he is a couple years older and sees himself as
      via u/Life-Promise-4844
    • superior to myself (guess what, I'm female and work in a male- dominated field so there was implicit bias left and right at that company). The company I work at now is 7 people, several who are junior to myself, but we are all treated as equals in terms of roles and hierarchy.
      via u/Life-Promise-4844
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    • My boss really values me and asked my honest opinion, and I said I have some concerns that I would need to discuss with my friend, and that the overarching concern is that he is very well suited and accustomed to a "corporate" culture and I'm not sure how well he'd fare in a highly-collaborative company where years of experience do not merit the quality of your ideas.
      via u/Life-Promise-4844
    • way Of course I could tell my friend, hey I think you were a j back when, you need to make sure you treat everyone with respect. But I love my job, I love my coworkers and our relaxed / supportive culture, I love that I finally found a place that makes me feel valued. I don't want to risk my friend's ego ruining any of this.
      via u/Life-Promise-4844
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    • EDIT: Yes, this has made me wonder if we are truly friends. Outside the mentioned instances at work, he is kind and respectful. Plus this guy doesn't really have deep friendships, he's more of a quantity over quality person. I never felt compelled to tell him when he was j but that doesn't mean I secretly hate him. Two things can be true at once.
      via u/Life-Promise-4844
    • A female coworker explains something to her male coworker.
      via Vitaly Gariev

      The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    • Commenters gave their two cents on the issue.

      WholeAd2742 • 21h ago NTA I'd question why you still consider them a friend
      via u/WholeAd2742
    • . parlay_pass_rum • 21h ago NTA but I'd say to your boss you don't want him. He has already shown his colours and is not your friend. He only talking to you now as he needs a job. He will say what you want to hear then once in the job go back to dismissing you. Protect
      via u/parlay_pass_rum
    • yourself first and your job satisfaction, you have to we pork there 8 hours a day. You're happy, protect that happiness.
      via u/parlay_pass_rum
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    • MiLowe35 · 20h ago NTA - tell your boss you don't recommend this person. Tell your friend you like your company but don't think it's a good fit for him, but wish him well. If he presses you for an answer, change the subject and don't go back.
      via u/MiLowe35
    • briareus08 · 16h ago • NTA. Why is this person your friend again? Friends build each other up, not push each other down. If you disliked working with him in a large company, you're gonna freakin hate working with him in a company of 7.
      via u/briareus08
    • parlay_pass_rum • 21h ago NTA but I'd say to your boss you don't want him. He has already shown his colours and is not your friend. He only talking to you now as he needs a job. He will say what you want to hear then once in the job go back to
      via u/parlay_pass_rum
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    • dismissing you. Protect yourself first and your job satisfaction, you have to work there 8 hours a day. You're happy, protect that happiness.
      via u/parlay_pass_rum
    • Vicsyy 16h ago . Let him apply, tell boss not to hire him. He never has to find out. NTA.
      via u/Vicsyy
    • bamf1701. 14h ago NTA. It is possible to be friends with someone and to not want to work with them.
      via u/bamf1701
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    • Aneeved 14h ago NTA. I had a friend I ended up working with and he started acting this way. Would tell me I did entire projects wrong and when I asked why he said he couldn't articulate it, but it was just wrong. Those kinds of people will sabotage you and try to make you look incompetent. I quit that job and never spoke to him again and I don't regret it.
      via u/Aneeved
    • flowerpetalizard • 12h ago NTA. I've told bosses that I don't recommend hiring my friends because that affects my professional reputation and my own job. If it goes badly and you were all excited, your boss will (even subconsciously) question your judgement.
      via u/flowerpetalizard
    • Mesapholis • 8h ago Why do you call him your friend? You clearly don't like this guy and he also brings no benefit to your personal or professional life. I would not try to make nice, when you already have such concerns to begin with, but seriously, you are not friends
      via u/Mesapholis
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    • . pottersquash • 21h ago YTA. I think your a bit of an AH to maintain this friendship if you think they were aj . I dunno, I don't agree with keeping "friends" who you secretly have disdain for. Mind you, your not saying that but its closer to that than anything else.
      via u/pottersquash
    • Tree_Chemistry_Plz 16h ago NTA, it sounds like you can clearly see a misfit in culture, so just tell your boss you fear there would be a potential culture- clash due to your past professional interactions with this person, and that the two workplaces have different
      via u/Tree_Chemistry_Plz
    • approaches, and that you don't have direct experience of that persons work in a lateral workplace like the current one, and the past experience you do have was in a hierarchical work place. Your boss will be able to red between the lines.
      via u/Tree_Chemistry_Plz
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    • alexromo 14h ago This person is your friend?
      via u/alexromo

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