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    New mom makes assertive step against entitled sister-in-law by refusing to host her for Christmas while caring for a newborn and sick mother-in-law

    Author image for Ely Bulnes
    Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
    Oct 7, 2025 1:00 PM EDT

    Holidays are supposed to be that time of year when you can let loose and connect with family in a carefree way. While these special days often include plenty of rest, relaxation, and delicious meals, they also tend to come with a side of family drama and tension. That's true even for families with very little simmering beneath the surface, but throw in a high-stress situation like caring for an ailing parent, and those cracks start to deepen fast.

    For some families, tension shows up as passive-aggressive comments over dinner. For others, it turns into a full-blown standoff over who's doing their fair share. One woman and her husband have spent the last three years providing full-time care for his mother, building their entire lives around her needs while his sister has remained largely absent. And when she does swoop in for a visit, she doesn't hold back the criticism. Now, with the holidays approaching, her sister-in-law has mentioned wanting to stay in their home again — but with a newborn on the way, our narrator feels like she simply can't take on any more. So, she takes an assertive stance against her. 

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      I don't want SIL to stay with us over Christmas with new baby

      Cheezburger Image 10561395200
      via PeopleImages from Getty Images Signature

      Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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      Background: So, as with many people out there, I have not had a great relationship with my sister in law (SIL). Since meeting her, we have k ted heads over many
      via u/AdventureJunki
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      issues, which have resulted in unpleasant family trips and holidays. I feel she has been r de and disrespectful to me on many topics, most painful of which is
      via u/AdventureJunki
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      the fact that my husband and I care for her mother (my MIL) full- time. Their mother has early- onset Alzheimer's, and we moved her to our city (despite her living near my SIL previously), to take
      via u/AdventureJunki
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    • 05
      near my SIL previously), to take care of her full-time. She has lived in our house for the past 3 years, and we provide around- the-clock care for her advanced dementia.
      via u/AdventureJunki
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      My SIL has never offered assistance, financial or otherwise, for her own mother. When we travel together, she doesn't help care for her mother, and my husband and I end up doing it.
      via u/AdventureJunki
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      She continually questions her condition and tells us we should just stick her in a nursing home. When she does visit or call, we
      via u/AdventureJunki
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      get criticism and critiques of how we should be caring for my MIL better. This is personally offensive to me, not only for
      via u/AdventureJunki
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      someone telling me how to run my house, but that we have given her own mother a great life, and she should be offering help and gratitude, not telling us what to
      via u/AdventureJunki
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      do differently when she shows up once or twice a year. I truly don't mind that we do 100% of the care for her mother, but I don't want criticism for how we do it.
      via u/AdventureJunki
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      Cheezburger Image 10561394688
      via Eda Hoyman from Getty Images

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      When a conflict with my SIL arises, my husband does not step in, mediate, or defend me from his sister's attacks.
      via u/AdventureJunki
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      When my SIL visits my city to see her mother, my husband wants to let her stay in our house. Last time I put my foot down and said no, because I was 5 months pregnant and my own mother
      via u/AdventureJunki
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      was just diagnosed with cancer, so I have been very overwhelmed. She didn't stay in our home, and that visit went ok.
      via u/AdventureJunki
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      Now SIL wants to visit for the upcoming holidays, and my husband wants to let her stay in our house. I am still nervous
      via u/AdventureJunki
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      about this, because if a conflict does arise, my husband won't support me, and I will be uncomfortable in my own house.
      via u/AdventureJunki

    • In my opinion, this lady needs absolutely no excuse to exclude her SIL. She has proven time and time again that she is underserving of being hosted.

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      Cheezburger Image 10561394944
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      I am currently 8 months pregnant, and the baby will be 6 weeks old during her visit over the holidays. I am very nervous to agree to let someone I have
      via u/AdventureJunki
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      had so much difficulty with stay in my house, especially when I will have a newborn baby, and am still going through absolute h | with my mother's cancer
      via u/AdventureJunki
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      situation. Supporting my parents through this time has been devastating, on top of being pregnant and caring for my MIL.
      via u/AdventureJunki
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      I'm trying to be protective of my mental health and the well-being of my new family.
      via u/AdventureJunki
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      I am happy to spend time with her and try to improve our relationship over time. She can take her mother out as much as
      via u/AdventureJunki
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      she wants, meet our new baby, I just don't want her staying in our house in case an issue arises.
      via u/AdventureJunki
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      Cheezburger Image 10561394432
      via fotostorm from Getty Images Signature

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      FWIW she has enough money to stay at a hotel no problem.
      via u/AdventureJunki
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      DoraTheUrbanExplorer NTA Forgetting the rest of the lore of your story- you're going to be still healing and have a newborn. No one should be expected to play host with a 6 week old baby.
      via u/DoraTheUrbanExplore
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    • Unless SIL is coming to handle caretaking duties and help out, she has no reason to show up at all.

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      You also have a husband problem. When your life settles more, and is less overwhelming I urge you to explore your
      via u/DoraTheUrbanExplore
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      husbands lack of support for you. You're doing so much for him, the least he can do is look out for you.
      via u/DoraTheUrbanExplore
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      Available_Bag_6759 Frankly, your SIL could be the best person in the world and you would still NOT be the AH. You will just given birth, you are healing, you need rest. Guests are not something a new mother should worry about.
      via u/Available_Bag_6759

    Tags

    relationship advice family drama baby married with children wife family feud relationships husband sister in law new mom family raising kids entitled people
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