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    Adult child abruptly ends vacation with 80-year-old parents after they couldn't join hikes: 'I said that I was tired of catering to them, they said that they had to cater to me for years'

    Author image for JR Atkinson
    JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
    Sep 25, 2025 10:00 PM EDT

    Having a relationship with your aging family members isn't always the easiest. As their needs increase, you might be expected to take on more of a caretaker role. But how do you balance that with your life? How do you decide how much responsibility to take on? If you have siblings, then how much do you divvy up the effort? These are all tough, existential questions that don't have a clear answer. Plus, it can be an emotional time. You might be dealing with a lot of heavy feelings surrounding your loved ones getting older and not being able to do all the things they used to do. 

    The only way out is through, though. You have to push ahead and realize that you might have limited time with them, so you should try to make the best of it. This isn't easy to do, of course, but it's worth trying. But you might run into some bumps along the way. At least this family did, when a daughter's trip to the wilderness turned into ground zero for a difficult conversation. 

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    • An elderly couple sits on a bench in a park.
      via Nimble Essence

      The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    • After her plans for her perfect outdoorsy vacation were spoiled by her elderly parents, one daughter had had enough and pulled the plug on the trip. She was left wondering if she was in the wrong for reacting that way, and commenters gave her a little bit of tough love. Read on for the story. 

    • Am I in the wrong for ending vacation early after my parents hijacked it?

      So a couple of months ago I mentioned to my elderly parents that I wanted to take my dogs to a national park that is 8 hours away since it is dog friendly and I love to hike. They said they wanted to go too, and I said that was fine, but I wanted to go hiking at least one of the days. A few weeks go by and I look up trails but I don't make any
      via u/MissIncongruousNY
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    • plans. Things at work got hectic and I was thinking of postponing until next year, but my Dad kept asking. Now my parents are in their 80s and my Dad really should be in a wheelchair but is too stubborn. He can't do stairs. It is easier for me to plan a dog vacation than a handicap-accessible one.
      via u/MissIncongruousNY
    • Per usual, they made ZERO plans themselves. Yet they kept complaining about not going. So fine, I found an Airbnb that had a ramp and a walk-in shower. I found tours that were handicap accessible. I downloaded self- guided tour apps to my phone so we could just drive around. They wanted to visit the places they went to as children so I drove them there.
      via u/MissIncongruousNY
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    • I booked it all. It was clear I wasn't going to get a single hike in because they couldn't bother to look up a single activity for themselves. We couldn't even go shopping because my father couldn't walk. We literally sat in the car for 4 days so he could see what he could from the car. My
      via u/MissIncongruousNY
    • poor dogs were stuck in a car. Neither parent would look up a single thing themselves. When the TV didn't work I just wanted to relax, but no, I had to go to the store and buy things to try and get the TV to work.
      via u/MissIncongruousNY
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    • I lost my sh on the 4th day and said we're going home and I packed them all up and drove home early. They are mad at me and say I have a bad attitude. When I said that I was tired of catering to them they said that they had to cater to me for years. I'm assuming they mean when I was a child.
      via u/MissIncongruousNY
    • Was I wrong? I feel like they not only hijacked my vacation that I had planned, I also had to pay for it and I only got to do 1 thing that I wanted and somehow I'm the horrible ungrateful child for ending things early.
      via u/MissIncongruousNY
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    • An elderly couple sit on a bench in a park facing away.
      via ANHELINA OSAULENKO

      The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

    • Commenters had a lot to say about the way she handled this.

      fdar · 1d ago • Why would you do that? They make no plans, just leave them in the Airbnb and go do your hike. They don't like it, they can choose not to join next time. They're being unreasonable but looks like you're old enough that you only have yourself to blame for allowing them to hijack your plans.
      via u/fdar
    • xlmnop123 1d ago. . Completely agree. Were they unreasonable, yes. But I also don't understand why you didn't just carve out time each day for yourself. Don't ask permission, just say today from x-y I'm taking the dogs for a hike. I'm available between x-y to do group activities. Don't frame it as a question, don't let them get you upset, just make it clear when you are available to do things with them and when you are not. Instead, you let your frustration and anger build up to a point where yo
      via u/xlmnop123
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    • justlookbelow • 1d ago 100%. OP please reflect on the fact you did everything they asked, and sacrificed your enjoyment only to be the villain anyway. If you want to continue to have a relationship with your parents you need to find a way to not have be at the expense of living your life.
      via u/justlookbelow
    • Ok-Knowledge9154 21h ago Ya I'm getting some serious martyr vibes here. I mean you know your parents, you know their physical limitations so why was them coming on a hiking trip even an option you let them think was available. You should have told them no it's going to be an active vacation beyond what they could physically handle and then maybe book a trip that's better suited to them at another time.
      via u/Ok-Knowledge9154
    • MissIncongruousNY OP. 21h ago In my mind, I tried to do this. I said they could drop me off at a path and they could take the car. After getting there, I realized that their gps skills had gotten worse over the last few months and I didn't see how they could safely travel the area on their own. I also did not feel ok leaving them at the trailhead for 4-5 hrs and they refused to stay at the Airbnb. It IS my fault for not realizing that I really couldn't leave them on their own in a strange place.
      via u/MissIncongruousNY
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    • chicagoliz 1d ago Why didn't you just go on the hike with your dogs and leave them in the Air B&B to relax, watch tv, read books, listen to music, or whatever else they do? Then you have dinner with them.
      via u/chicagoliz
    • You parents are in their 80s. In another 10 years, you will not have this problem. Think about that and deal accordingly. YTA for getting pissy and leaving early when you should have just set the parameters.
      via u/chicagoliz
    • sopolebird 1d ago . So your parents are in their 80s, not very mobile, and you agreed to take them on vacation when you knew you wanted to be active, and also knew they couldn't be active? I have to think you are at least 40 years old, and you haven't learned to say no to your
      via u/sopolebird
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    • parents? What did you expect, that they would magically be able to be mobile? Seriously, how did you see this going any other way?
      via u/sopolebird
    • . squigs 1d ago Here's the problem - you should have just announced that on a specific day you were going hiking. They're adults. They can do what they want. You didn't have to do any of this. you chose to.
      via u/squigs
    • AvocadoJazzlike3670 1d ago YTA to yourself. You did all this to yourself. You have only yourself to blame. You didn't communicate like an adult and went off on them. You allowed them to run your plans but then got mad at them
      via u/AvocadoJazzlike3670
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    • DarthEarlthepearl • 1d ago YTA. First, they did not hijack your vacation. Hijacking a vacation would imply you went on vacation and they showed up unexpectedly and expected you then to take care of them. That is not what happened, you willingly brought them. You could have easily said no. Second, you
      via u/DarthEarlthepearl
    • know your parents and you know how they are and instead of being an adult and planning around this, you chose to be a martyr. Grow up. Third, and I mean this from the bottom of my heart, your parents are going to di. You will never get to take another vacation with them. You will never get to sit and
      via u/DarthEarlthepearl
    • talk with them again. They clearly want to spend time with you. You didn't say anything about being no contact or low contact; you just complained about them. Take stock of what you have now and appreciate it because it will be gone before you know it.
      via u/DarthEarlthepearl
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    • LaundryJay · 1d ago "omg the apple i picked is over ripe".... "OMG THE over ripe apple i picked up tastes bad" "omg this taste in my mouth won't go away"... every single action was brought upon you by yourself and could have been rectified... with your actions.
      via u/LaundryJay
    • Obtuse-Angel · 1d ago • YTA not for being frustrated and annoyed but for how you handled it. You could and should have set different expectations with clear communication. Something like "on Tuesday morning, and Wednesday afternoon, and some time on Friday, I'm going for a hike with the dogs, so you guys will be on your own to find something to do.
      via u/Obtuse-Angel
    • SwimmingCoyote · 1d ago ESH They s k for hijacking your vacation but you s k for bottling up your resentment without communicating which led to you exploding.
      via u/SwimmingCoyote
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    • CandylandCanada · 1d ago ESH You teach people how to treat you. You shouldn't have agreed to go with them in the first place.
      via u/CandylandCanada
    • You shouldn't have done the planning. You shouldn't have gone to the store to buy things for them. You shouldn't have fixed the TV if you didn't want to watch it. You *definitely* shouldn't have listened to them whinging about your behaviour.
      via u/CandylandCanada

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