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Husband refuses to feed the cats when wife is in the hospital, turning feline feeding hours into a couple clash: ‘Unless I do exactly what you want how you want it, it has to be an argument’

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    AIO My husband got mad I asked him to feed our cats before I got home ♡ relationship
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    I just need to know if I'm being unreasonable or not, honest answers, it won't hurt my feelings.
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    So I (31F) went to the hospital this evening because I have a heart condition that causes PVCS (basically an extra beat then a skipped one) and they started really acting up after dinner, more so than usual. It got to the
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    point I was having chest pain and getting dizzy and they were happening every minute or so which is much more than normal so I figured I'd get it checked out.
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    It was a suuuuper long wait for me to be seen and my normal bedtime during the work week is about 12:30am, and during the week I usually feed our cats around midnight-12:15, right before I go to bed.
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    Full disclosure, on the weekends they get fed as late as 1:30-2am because they get fed breakfast later than normal since I sleep in.
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    I called my husband (31M) around 11:15pm and let him know I was likely going to get home from the hospital pretty late and asked if he could feed them for me and he said sure. I called again at about
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    midnight to update him on the hospital stuff and to remind him to feed the cats since that's usually when I do and he said he'd do it before he went to bed. He stays up later than me because he doesn't work until 11am vs my 8am, so he was basically
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    00
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    saying he'd feed them around 1-2 when he usually goes to bed. I asked if he could just go ahead and feed them since that's around when I do and because I was just hoping he could have it done before I got home. He said
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    "it's ok for them to be fed later than you feed them especially since you feed. them late on the weekends." I said yeah they'll be fine, but maybe you could just feed them around when I do because I'll probably be home by 1:30-2 and if you're going to wait until then and that's around when I get home,
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    why wouldn't I just feed them? He got irritated and said "I know, unless I do exactly what you want how you want it, it has to be an argument".
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    He uses this against me in fights all the time regarding when I'm asking him to do something to help me out and I'm asking for it to be done by a certain time (like can you
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    do x before it gets too late or can you do y earlier in the evening instead of waiting until right before you go to bed) and full context, I usually ask that way because he forgets to do stuff I ask for help with pretty frequently and I just end up doing it.
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    So I said that's not what I'm saying I was just hoping it could be done before I get home from the hospital and he said "I just don't understand why you get to feed them an hour or two later on the weekends but if I want to feed them later now it's not ok" and I said
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    because I don't generally feed them late during the week and again I was just hoping it could be done before I got home. He said "Ok whatever I'll just do it now I guess" and was just super exasperated by the whole thing and I don't understand why what I was asking for was so
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    unreasonable? I also feel like it's such a weird time to argue with your wife, while she's at the hospital. I tried to put myself in the reverse situation and I just can't picture if my husband. was at the hospital getting his heart checked that I would argue about doing something he asked for help with.
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    X
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    Please let me know if I'm being unreasonable here, I'm genuinely trying to understand why this is such an issue for him. I know they will be fine to be fed later, but it's more the principle I guess of why is it so bad to just feed them around when I normally do and help me out before I get home?
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    nvboi63 ⚫ I think he s_ks for making an issue about it with what you had going on, but I do think you are overreacting a bit as well. You say they have dry food all day, so even if he forgot to feed them it really isn't a big deal. That schedule is more important to you than it is to your cats.
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    Fox_Dreamer_ OP ⚫ That's fair! They have gone without wet food for a meal in plenty of occasions so yes absolutely they would be fine even he forgot entirely, I guess it was more the principle of me just wanting it to be done before I got home so I don't have to worry about it.
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    nvboi63. As somebody who has no sense of the passage of time I understand how frustrating that can be to the people around me. I can get pretty defensive because if I forget something it's not intentional and it's not out of disregard. A lot of
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    times I'll use things like going to bed or even getting up in the morning as points to remember to do certain things. My animals get fed when I wake up and before Maybe he is experiencing something similar.
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    Fox Dreamer_ OP ⚫ Thanks for your reply! Yes I feel like he definitely hates it whenever I ask him to do anything really. To make it worse we both have pretty severe ADHD, I'm medicated, he's not. He forgets to do stuff I ask a lot and I end up just having to do it myself which defeats the purpose of asking for him to do it and I've explained a ton of times that that's
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    why I ask for him to do things soon-ish after I asked because I hate feeling like I constantly have to remind him or ask him multiple times. To be fair though, he's never forgotten to feed them when I ask, but that wasn't really the issue this time. I just wanted them fed when they normally get fed and before I got home.
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    Alternative_Bit_3445 ⚫ I used to have this. "It always has to be done on your time - I'll do it later/tomorrow/the weekend". Didn't take Christmas lights down FOR 13 MONTHS. We no longer live together.
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    Gloomy-Wasabi1936 · It's sort of weird that he decided to argue with you and make a big deal out of this situation... when you're in the hospital? He couldn't have been extra supportive or at least somewhat understanding to tell himself "she's probably stressed out, I should be helpful". NOR

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