‘I asked for money instead, was told no’: Company gives bobble head figures as a bonus, pushing one employee to maliciously comply and pick the most expensive, top-tier model design to max out the budget

There's an entire genre of corporate "appreciation" that feels designed not to reward employees, but to test how far you can stretch the definition of compensation before someone calls HR, only to find HR is already in on the joke. Why offer a bonus check when you could hand out a custom bobblehead of your own stressed-out face? In this workplace wonderland, cash is crass, but tchotchkes are chic. Forget direct deposit—imagine payday where your boss serenades you with a ukulele ballad about your "hard work and resilience," the melody conveniently replacing any actual money.

It's a world where employee incentives are less "living wage" and more "limited-edition collectible." Perhaps next year, instead of health insurance, you'll get a commemorative lunchbox with your name spelled wrong. Want paid time off? Great news—you can now "sponsor" your own days away, brought to you by the spirit of giving (and your debit card). Maybe your annual review will come in the form of refrigerator poetry, each magnet representing another reason you should be grateful for that commemorative mug you received during Zoom Appreciation Week.

So when the company insists on a forced bobblehead bonus, the stage is already set. There's nothing left to do but lean in, pick the most grandiose and wallet-busting design, and watch the finance team's sense of irony wobble right along with your plastic likeness.