Management bans an employee from being friends with her coworkers, then complains she isn’t friendly enough with the new hires: ‘I've been called yesterday with 2 managers and the CEO. Needless to say I fell off my chair’

There's nothing quite like watching workplace management turn personal insecurities into professional mandates. Offices claim to foster collaboration, but every so often, someone in charge decides their own feelings of inferiority need to become a company-wide initiative. Basically a mashup between "teamwork makes the dream work" and "it's my party and I'll cry if want to."

At this one office, this phenomenon hit a whole new level of absurdity. Three coworkers committed the apparently unforgivable act of eating lunch together and enjoying each other's company. Instead of assuming these were just three people bonding over salads and small talk, the rest of the office decided these gatherings must be secret strategy meetings to trash-talk the entire staff.

Lacking both self-awareness and hobbies, they convinced management to intervene. Management, being an unmatched combination of petty and insecure, banned the trio from being friends during lunch breaks. No sitting together. No chatting too much. Just sit, eat, and pretend you don't know each other until your unpaid break is over.

"Management forbidding friendship then asks why I'm not friendly enough anymore"

via Galina Zhigalova

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Take your friendliness elsewhere

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Months pass, the trio disbands as two leave the company, and management suddenly starts scratching their heads. They call the last remaining member into a meeting, concerned about her lack of friendliness with the new hires. You’re seeing what I’m seeing right? Because I started feeling a little lightheaded from the amount of irony this story takes.
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