In relationships, transparency is usually the best policy. If you find yourself keeping something from your partner, you should interrogate that feeling. Why are you keeping it from them? What would happen if you came totally clean? Are you protecting yourself, or are you protecting them? You're allowed to keep some things to yourself, and you might need to every now and again, but if there are major secrets in play, that's a rough situation. One woman laid out her troubling experience with her boyfriend.
"I (20F) have been with my bf (22M) for about a year and a half. We live in the same city and I’m at his place basically every night. I really thought we were on the same page about everything until last night.
We were driving to get food and his phone was plugged into the car for the GPS. A message popped up on the screen from a girls name I didn't know and it literally said ‘are you coming over later? i miss you.’
I just froze. I didn't even yell I just asked who that was and he immediately ripped the cord out of his phone and started acting super jumpy. He told me I ‘misread it’ and that it was actually a text from his sister asking about dinner. I told him his sister has a different name and he just started raising his voice saying I’m ‘paranoid’ and ‘always looking for a reason to fight.’
He wouldnt show me the phone and kept saying I was invading his privacy by ‘staring at his screen’ while he was driving. He literally told me I’m being ‘delusional’ and that my ‘anxiety is ruining a good thing.' I told him to pull over at a gas station and I just got out and called an Uber because the gaslighting was making me feel like I was actually losing it.
Now he’s blowing up my phone saying I’m ‘immature’ for jumping out of the car and that I’m ‘too unstable’ to be in a relationship if I’m going to freak out over a ‘random notification.’ He’s making me feel like I’m the one who messed up but I know what I saw.
AIO? Am I actually being ‘too much’ or is he obviously cheating?" - u/Fast_Seesaw_2571
Commenters were quick to come through with their thoughts and opinions.
Commenters gave a dose of tough love to this young woman who found something out that she wasn't sure how to handle. Perhaps in the back of her mind, she knew that she had to get out of this relationship. But it is an entirely different thing to face that reality and own up to the situation at hand. It didn't help that her age probably meant some kind of inexperience and perhaps naivety. Commenters pointed out the fact that she couldn't trust her partner, and that he even might be trying to gaslight her into accepting an untrue version of reality. Scroll on to read everything that commenters had to say and decide what you think.
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