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    Woman's S/O Of Over A Year Reveals He Is Still Legally Married To His Previous Wife, Attempts To Gaslight Her Into Thinking He Already Told Her: ‘I don't date married men’

    "I swear that he could've whispered it from across the ocean and I would've heard."

    Author image for Lana DeGaetano Lana DeGaetano
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    • Dating when you're an older adult after having been previously married or in a serious relationship is a different type of beast. 

      After all, you have to share a lot of the very unhappy moments in your time alive in addition to the good moments. When you're dating someone and searching for monogamy, you can only hope that the person you've been seeing has your best interest (and is interested in monogamy, too.) Sometimes, you get hit with a curve ball that will influence you to rethink the last year of your relationship. The woman in this story sure has.

      She was having a casual talk with her significant other about past relationships and marriages when he let something strange slip out.

      He's still technically legally married although estranged for 15 years.

      The man swears up and down that he mentioned this very soon beginning to see the woman, and his mother is backing him up on this. His reasoning is that he has insurance on his wife, and is interested in getting a payout from her as she is very irresponsible financially and in general. The woman expresses multiple times that she would have remembered, and would have heard him say it if he had told her. She doesn't know what to think. 

      Scroll ahead to read the entire story, as well as some comments from folks who think that this might be a big mistake and that this gaslighting can become even more serious if she decides to stick with him.

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    • 01
      AIO? You're what????
      Via 2LazyCats
    • 02
      My significant other and I, both mid-50s, met on a dating site. Hit it off, met, been together ever since, about 16 months now. We've both had a generous helping of relationship and family
      Via 2LazyCats
    • 03
      trauma, both a little gun shy, Yada Yada. We've developed relationships with each other's families, spent holidays together, all the stuff that grown couples do.
      Via 2LazyCats
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    • 04
      Last week, we were sitting around watching a movie and apropos to something, he made a comment that the first year of marriage is years 2-5 are love, and everything after that is spite. He said that he's going on
      Via 2LazyCats
    • 05
      16 years of spite. We had discussed our spectacularly failed marriages and relationships before, but never really in detail. So I asked how long he was married, since my longest was 5 years. He then piped up and said that he's still technically legally married although estranged for 15 years.
      Via 2LazyCats
    • 06
      Dear Reader, that is one of the very first questions I asked. "Are you legally married, seriously involved with, or in any other way entangled with anyone else?" Anything other than "absolutely not" and I would've noped the f
      Via 2LazyCats
    • 07
      right outta there and said to find me when you're sorted. But he said he was entanglement free. He insists he told me, but I know that he did not. He never disclosed this little detail, even
      Via 2LazyCats
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    • 08
      after knowing about a past situation that wounded me very deeply. He swears up to heaven and back that he told me and I forgot. I swear that he could've whispered it from across the ocean and I would've heard. There is no world in which I would've missed it.
      Via 2LazyCats
    • 09
      He says it's just a piece of paper that he maintains to have an insurable interest as the insured is not the most stable and responsible person around (trying to skirt the words that the m.o.d. b.o.t. doesn't like), and he
      Via 2LazyCats
    • 10
      wants a payday. Now, to be fair, that's an admirable level of petty in my book. If I could get a payout based on the loss of the person who hurt me most in the world, you betcha. However, I don't date
      Via 2LazyCats
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    • 11
      married men. Even if they have been estranged for better than 15 years. Even if they haven't seen each other in all that time. Even if it's just for a financial windfall at her loss. When I found this out, I had the worst panic attack I've ever had in my life. I've been in this
      Via 2LazyCats
    • 12
      situation before and swore never again. I came very close to ending things with my SO because of the dishonesty. I'm still vacillating but I am madly in love with him and i believe he loves me. Neither of us has any
      Via 2LazyCats
    • 13
      means to prove what we discussed over a year ago, so we are both sitting here with memories, one of which is false. His mom has become a very good friend and she said that he had told her early on that he
      Via 2LazyCats
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    • 14
      had told her early on that he disclosed. She knows him better than anyone, I don't think he has a single secret from her. Of course he's her Darling Boy and she wants him to be happy, and apparently I seem to do that somehow, so vested interest there.
      Via 2LazyCats
    • 15
      I've discussed this with my SO and how horribly uncomfortable I am with the whole situation. I've discussed with my two best friends and my sister, all of whom
      Via 2LazyCats
    • 16
      know that if he had breathed it in my general direction I would've heard. So now the only possible recourse is to ask the denizens of Reddit: Am I Overreacting?
      Via 2LazyCats
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    • 17
      ANOT . message_bot 1d ago The gaslighting you into believing that you forgot that he told you this is a dealbreaker for me. Can't move forward with that crazy making behavior. and he knows he's gaslighting you, because otherwise his
      Via message_bot
    • 18
      response would have been filled with remorse and empathy for you and asking how he could make it better. But this fool follows up by dismissing the importance of this detail, saying that it's just a piece of paper, etc. He's diminishing some thing
      Via message_bot
    • 19
      that's important to you, a dealbreaker for you in fact. Looks like he's attempting to strong arm you into falling in line with how he wants to live his life... That is, full of dishonesty, gaslighting, and not taking action on severing marriage or whatever the with that thing. he's doing
      Via message_bot
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    • 20
      NeeliSilverleaf • 1d ago He'll lie about being married, what else is he lying about? How can you trust what he says about his estranged wife?
      Via NeeliSilverleaf
    • 21
      emptynest_nana • 1d ago He is waiting on a payout?? Whose to say his wife has not changed her insurance and will to exclude him? The flip side of this coin is what else has he lied about?? Not to mention, his bitter view on marriage is quite the deal breaker.
      Via emptynest_nana
    • 22
      Traditional_Fan_... 22h ago He's lying. I hate to point this out, but once you have a policy on someone, you can divorce them, move across the ocean, and still keep the policy. As long as you pay on the policy, you receive an insurance payout regardless of your status. If he has 'just a piece of paper' for the payout, it is for more.
      Via Traditional_Fan_2655
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    • 23
      JVEMets 23h ago • I don't think you would have forgot that important piece of information. If this happened to be, I would be concerned that he apparently was hiding something from me, but I would insist that he become legally separated/divorced if the relationship were to continue.
      Via JVEMets

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