As the wise Charli xcx once said, "I think the apple's rotten right to the core / From all the things passed down from all the apples coming before". The apple in question? The internet. That ever-growing, overly-immersive, digital world, riddled with aesthetics and buzzwords. You've undoubtedly seen the "demure" meme everywhere. The term was coined by Jools Lebron, a TikTok personality and beauty content creator known for her comedic mode of expression. "Very mindful, very demure" is used to describe an individual who is sensible or prioritizes intentionality and modesty as opposed to spontaneity and recklessness.
If you're feeling a sense of familiarity, it's likely because society has been here before. To be blunt, all of these trends keep cycling back into the mix because of a larger overarching culprit: the "I'm not like most girls" phenomenon paired with the yearning for individuality in a hive-mind digital age. The recycled idea of not only attaching oneself to an aesthetic but also an aesthetic that promotes either extreme side of an internet personality coin has circulated around the internet ether since social media sprouted into the beast it is today. From the early aughts "Tumblr indie sleaze" era to the "clean girl" aesthetic, all the way through to the debut of 2024's very own BRAT and its supposedly cooler, more "mindful" older sister, "demure," it sparks the question: Why do these trends keep happening?
Jools Lebron’s “demure” meme took off on TikTok in early August when she uploaded a video about how you, the viewer, can be modest and respectful in the workplace, like herself. Lebron begins the popular how-to video by stating that she does her makeup very “mindfully” without doing “too much” and doesn’t show up to work “looking like a clown.” She inserts a reference to The Simpsons, claiming some individuals look like Marge Simpson during a job interview but like Pattie and Selma when they get the job. One of Lebron’s last takes is about dressing somewhat modestly, which, in the context of the video, makes perfect sense. Her parting words to the viewer: “Be mindful of why they hired you.”
Raking in over 50 million views and still growing, Lebron had the internet in the palm of her hand and successfully brought about TikTok’s new favorite buzzword salad. The word “demure” has successfully made its way into many social media users’ slang vocabulary. But, what demure implies—being modest, intentional—has undoubtedly influenced how users carry and portray themselves online.
It seems like just yesterday we were doing the viral dance to Charli xcx’s “Apple,” created by Kelley Heyer. Oh wait—we were! The English hyperpop singer/songwriter released her sixth studio album this past June and it was quickly met with both critical acclaim and social media stardom. The success of the album, especially on social platforms, rebranded xcx as a club rat-indie sleaze hybrid, and many fans, new and old, followed suit.
The BRAT aesthetic puts an emphasis on the word “sleaze.” xcx hasn't been forthcoming about what traits officially make you a BRAT girl, but has cited 2024 presidential candidate and current Vice President Kamala Harris as an example in a short-but-sweet tweet proclaiming, “kamala IS brat”. One can draw their own conclusions, but given xcx’s image and the lyrics in some of her top hits on the album, being BRAT means to take no nonsense. Be cavalier, be reckless, and be unapologetic about it. Whether you use this advice at a nightclub in NYC or the White House is entirely up to you.
The values of “BRAT” versus “demure” are completely different. Do we embrace reckless spontaneity or denounce it? Do we backtrack on our BRAT ways as summer comes to an end and be the poster individual for modesty ahead of autumn? Well, yes and no.
Jools Lebron’s original “demure” video suggests there is a competition to be won as she puts a certain aesthetic on a pedestal and claims it is the right way. A statement that blatantly claims to be a certain way is good and if you are not like that, you are bad. Well, not bad per se, but rather, you become the “loser” of this social competition. The trend suggests that the absence of demure-like qualities is something to frown upon, something to change. What is the opposite of demure? Likely, its predecessor BRAT. Of course, all memes and trends should be taken with a grain of salt, but the societal implications of this repeated, mindless use of words further subscribe to this concept of social competition.
This undying cycle of one aesthetic getting its recognition and then soon being retired for a new, insanely different aesthetic will keep happening.
Individuality is sought after online way more than you think. It shows up in the promotion of a new “it-girl” product. It makes an appearance once the next person decides they’re tired of everyone wearing cowboy boots so they opt for rainboots instead. It shows up in the “clean girl” aesthetic emergence after a calm 2020 and 2021 riddled with e-girl makeup and emo-adjacent clothing styles. Individuality’s DNA is found in every internet trend and that’s why we cycle through them so quickly. The exact reason for their viral-ness is also the exact reason why they are soon forgotten. We will likely see another trend soon that will completely overshadow “demure” and its push towards modesty.
The “I’m not like most girls” phenomenon, though considered cringe, is a different version of separating oneself from the norm for the sake of uplifting individuality, rather than demonizing it. The phenomenon was originally a rejection of stereotypical femininity and what it means to be a woman, yet it soon became convoluted, as do most things online. The phenomenon eventually turned into an idea that also demonizes “normies” who don’t try to be different. As complex as this might seem, it’s quite simple if you have a deep understanding of why trends such as BRAT and “demure” become so popular.
This desire to be similar to others while also yearning for individuality is an innate human trait. After all, the media we consume is only popularized if we decide they are worth talking about and popularizing. So, what’s next? Most likely something eerily similar to what we saw this summer, as internet culture has a funny way of repeating itself. Will we finally learn the error of our sensationalizing ways? Or, will we fall further down the rabbit hole into a world that rewards neither individuality nor sameness? Only time doom-scrolling will tell.
