You might not expect a grown adult to lose their marbles over a 69-cent cup of the ranch, but when it comes to entitled people and paying petty amounts of cash, you can always expect there to be an issue.
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When I was in middle school, there was this craze sweeping the country: Pizza dipped in ranch dressing—well, not so much dipped as completely drenched in the rich-fatty dressing… a surefire way to make sure you're getting enough calories in a single meal to fuel a grown adult for an entire day.
Kids went crazy for the stuff and got so out of control that the lunch staff and TAs had to carefully monitor and limit the amount of ranch kids were getting with their meal.
This, for better or for worse, is the quintessential American lunchroom meal, and even in a world where there was no social media and the first batch of middle schoolers ever to get cell phones were just getting them, every kid in every school seemed to be savvy to the wonders of pizza with ranch.
Those kids have long since grown up, and a good deal of them now have children of their own, but it would seem that there is still a kid inside, even the most entitled of Karens, still longing for that savory, greasy, wondrous sensation. They might even get a little wild over it, just like they used to…
ranch cup: logan jeffrey
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