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1
"Oops"
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2
"Doesn’t matter what the species is; mama always needs a break"
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3
"A little extra protein never hurt anyone"
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4
"I asked for a hobby farm and got a baby, so we’re both still waiting"
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5
"Dozens of turns but it was THAT ONE SPECIFIC TURN that told you that you were home…it’s crazy"
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6
"You heard the girl…I’m a failure "
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7
"Happy Monday everyone "
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8
"And a therapist on call 24/7 pretty please"
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9
"My dog and I have run out of places to hide to protect our ears"
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10
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11
"What is this thing called a SaViNgS aCcOuNt?"
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12
"It’s like spotting a Sasquatch"
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13
"The horror of coming back home to us"
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14
"Truth has been spoken"
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15
"And then I’ll need someone to help me get back up "
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16
"Mama smash!"
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17
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18
"And if it’s a trip to Costco, I’m going to need to clear a week!"
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19
"Don’t mind me bawling…I’m just looking at his baby pictures"
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20
"No that’s from stress of raising you three "
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21
"My daughter trying to take my picture "
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22
"I might be here a while"
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23
"HELP ME HELP YOU!"
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24
"It’s a clean dirty and it’s going to get dirty again anyways"
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25
"It’s pride. I can’t wait to binge watch true crime documentaries with her when she’s olde"
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26
"I’m now a burnt beached ?? with hurt feelings, and yes, I put sunscreen on everyone else except myself "
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27
"My brain would want me to go through even worst case scenario if I gave it silence - Pls tell me I’m not alone in this"
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28
"Our family’s motto should be Naked and Afraid"
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29
"Thanks for sugar coating it!"
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30
"Pfft…The original French Prince of Bel Air theme song is a classic"
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31
"Spoiler alert - always judging"
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32
"Such a good feeling "
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33
"Same with dog owners"
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34
"She’s my mom so I must have SOME of her parenting genes, right? "
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35
"Enough with the chitchat and let’s get moving "
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36
"""But why?! How?! How do you miss a huge target but manage to hit the shower curtain?! """
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37
"Don’t want my drink to melt while I’m helping him"
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38
"""Stop slapping each other or so help me!….. anyways as I was saying """
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39
"For me the basement is where it all moves to"
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40
"Time for melatonin gummies to shine!"
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41
"I was clean for 0.04 sec I promise!"
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42
"They have mastered the backhanded compliment at such an early age"
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43
"Screen time for the win!"
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44
"Deceive them as much as you can before they catch on!"
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45
"In lieu of flowers…."